Anxiety can be caused by a lot of things heaped upon our psyches over years and years of traumatic experience. Just living gives you enough to be psychotic for. For this Raspberry, I had to go back a few years to its source. I remember a day when such things did not make me anxious, and now I’m really a wreck. So what happened in between and what can I do now to convince myself that I am safe and okay?
While traveling, lots of stressful situations can arise. And often, not all of them are attributable to you and your “baggage”. You will encounter lots of people and situations out there which may be stressful–or downright infuriating to you. So take a deep breath and we will try to unpack some of your personal issues so that you can prepare for the others which will come.
Here are three of my favorite worries: Fear of Forgetting Something Important, Fear of Leaving Home, and Fear of Flying.
Fear of Forgetting Something Important
Here is a detailed excel spreadsheet checklist of things not to forget to pack while traveling (www.edelalon.com search for “packing”). Sometimes, however, I feel that this type of detailed fanaticism is part of the problem. With so many things to remember or check off, there is more to forget, and the risk of feeling incomplete hovers over my already overstuffed suitcase.
So instead of thinking about packing in a “what am I forgetting” fashion, let’s reverse it and think about what I really need.
Stress source: Feeling like I don’t have something important which could leave me unprepared to defend myself or survive at a location far from my home (the place I know is stocked with things to keep me safe and satisfied).
Stress relief: Reducing the laundry list of must-have’s to Travel Essentials–in other words, reducing the list to its simplest form.
Travel Essentials (aka “What You Really Need”)
1) ID (like a Driver’s License)
2) Boarding Pass (plane), Ticket (bus, train, etc.)
3) Credit Card (to check in at the airport, pay for gas, etc.)
4) Medications you are required to take, or prescription glasses
5) Cash
Really, if you think about it, you will live if you get to your destination and you packed NO clothes whatsoever. There’s a Target where you could pick up a shirt. You could swipe a pair of jeans from a friend. You could wear what you wore to get there for three days straight. Similarly, instant cameras can be purchased to replace a forgotten digital, toothbrushes and combs can be requested from concierges, and pay phones actually still exist!
Now, you (and I) may not be ready to try to travel on 4 or 5 little essentials, and I am not even suggesting that you try. All I am saying is that if you remember this list, the rest is bonus! Ultimately, you will end up bringing what you need (probably a lot more than you need), so don’t worry. Think of it this way, for the stress it is going to cause you, just drop by a Long’s and spend $1 to pick up a new mini toothpaste tube.
Fear of Leaving Home
This is for those of us who are not travel bugs. I actually like being home, being a homebody where I feel comfortable. To those like me, leaving home can cause lots of anxiety and stress.
Before we think of Raspberry tips, let’s unpack this fear.
Stress source: The sources for this fear all require their own inspection. Here are a few issues which may come up for you:
1) Fear of flying
2) Traumatic experience on prior travels or first travel
3) Losing or leaving beloved items while on a plane or in a hotel
4) Fear of new or unknown places
5) Fear of getting lost
6) Fear of leaving the house alone (“What if I left the stove on?!”)
7) Fear of missing or being missed
Stress relief: Most of these require a lot of introspection, and identifying the source of your fear is a first and very important step! Only when you discover the root of your anxiety can you treat it properly. Otherwise, it’s like throwing red Dr. Mario pills at a blue bug, and we all know that that just causes them to stack up and get you nowhere.
Since this stressor is very individualistic, I will just explore my own. Maybe it will strike a chord with some out there. I’m not anxious, I just like staying home! Yea right. Whatever. our homes are our castles, not our prisons. If you have difficulty venturing out and/or having fun while away, maybe you should unpack with me. For each stress source ask yourself if this is an issue for you. Or maybe you have found one that I have forgotten. Go back in your memory to the first time you felt that way (be patient with yourself, this takes some time). It helps if you can remember a time when you did not feel the discomfort and working your way forward. For me, it was a traumatic prior travel experience which happened over a decade ago and compromised my ability to feel safe while traveling.
So for me, the stressor is really an issue of feeling unsafe. Many of the above stress sources revolve around this feeling. But I do remember a time when I did feel safe traveling (long before the TSA, haha) and I actually enjoyed it very much–especially air travel! I unpacked this and found that my stress source was feeling unsafe because of this prior trauma–not because I am in any actual danger. I have had many subsequent travel excursions which have not produced any similar trauma and were spoiled only by my stubborn adherence to my old fears. Therefore, my stress relief must be to realize that I am actually physically safe and that the conditions which caused my initial trauma no longer exist and cannot hurt me.
Now, I understand this is easier said than done. It actually helps me to travel with a companion who agrees to take care of the travel details. I discovered my stress source also produced a slight feeling of abandonment: too much is on my shoulders and no one is looking out for me. This is why I Love hotels. It is someone’s Job to take care of your needs and make sure you are comfortable. So travel with a buddy, be flexible, have a nice hotel room waiting, and above all, remember that you are okay.
Also, when packing, add a number 6) Raspberry Rescue Kit (see infra) to your list of Travel Essentials.
Fear of Flying
Fact: The probability I will die in a car accident is far greater than the probability that I will die in a plane crash.
Another Fact: I am not likely to walk away from a plane crash.
For many, a fear of flying comes from the same feelings of “unsafety” as mentioned above. Additionally, we have control issues (usually you’re the one driving the car). We have to trust this pilot to get us there alive (forget on time). Plus with all of the delays, schedule changes, flight cancellations, re-routings through Houston, etc., it is no wonder I feel like I am being pulled into a limbo of neverending gate-changes where nothing I do can affect the outcome. Yesterday, Continental missed my connecting flight in Newark which was scheduled to leave at 8pm and would not put me on another flight until 4:30pm the next day! I was stranded overnight in New Jersey! And they didn’t even give me a hotel room to stay the night! …but I digress. (Remind me to write “Raspberries for Things We Cannot Change”)
Stress source: A lack of control and trust in my unpredictable environment (can we say “oxygen masks”?)
Stress relief: 1) Control what you can, and 2) Trust.
First, cut out the stress of things you actually can control. For example, you can control whether or not you are late to check in (which leads to a spiraling of other stressful events). Give yourself plenty of transit time. Not running to the gate is a good thing. Having a minute to stop by the gift shop and grab some PEZ and a Magic Pen book is a good thing. Having time to recalculate after missing a train stop is a good thing. Incidentally, if you are actually in transit, don’t stress yourself out by checking the time. There is nothing you can do about it whether you’re on a train or in traffic. Just tell yourself that you’ll get there when you get there and you’ll deal with anything that arises at that point. …this also works for flight delays.
Second, trust that things are going to be okay. Take deep breaths. Breathing is good. Try to relax. Trust yourself that you have your Travel Essentials. Trust the Pilot. Trust in a Higher Power. Not being in control is not such a bad thing when someone else is in control. Take yourself back to being carried out of the car by your dad while you slept. Or even easier, think about sleeping in a hotel room which you did not clean up, climate control, or maintain. It was built and kept for your comfort. You just have to show up! What a great feeling!
Next time you are flying by air, try this trick: Pretend you are going to Hawaii. Have you ever seen tourists in a check-in line for Aloha or Hawaiian Air? They are ecstatic! They come up to the ticket gate with leis, sun hats, and huge smiles. And a minor ticketing setback is no big deal because they are GOING TO HAWAII! Now if only I could have the same approach when going on business trips. Vacation is a state of mind. Aloha!
